The Age of Comfort Humans

The Age of the Comfort Human

Nothing is as funny as the truth!

My imaginative journey opens with a line forming at the TSA portal.

Granted this is not a comfortable place for any human!

The line grows with the screening for an impending flight.

Every third of fourth person is carrying a small carry-on cage. Inside is the comfort animal of their choice.

We get a glimpse of :

A comfort dog

A comfort cat

A comfort ferret

All service or comfort animals are specially trained to give their attached person the attention and the furry, tactile comfort they need to ease their:

• Flight anxiety

• Public space or crowd anxiousness,

• Or claustrophobic fear-as flying in a silver tube at high speed, tens of thousands of feet above the ground can easily bring on obsessiveness! Even paranoia! Panic attack!

These animals can even serve as the comfort blankie, the thumb-sucking security action needed when being thrust into a situation, where death may be eminent, and in certainly in some cases, unavoidable, where any semblance of control of ones environment is non-existent.

The comfort animal knows its roll well. It is there to be petted, stroked and squeezed in return for some poorly defined psychological comfort for its crazed owner.

It is there to be confined for long periods of time in a small cage, then serving or perhaps sacrificing itself for the emotional comfort of the human it is attached to.

And all comfort animals know that should they fail to deliver the appropriate level and form of comfort, they are doomed, and easily replaced. They serve “at will” and are subject to the needs and satisfaction of the humans they serve!

Approaching the TSA service area, the line grows. ID is required, checked, and appropriate paperwork for accompanying animals is verified, authenticated, then all are screened and x-rayed and strip searched.

After all, they are flying free of charge! An enviable possibility given the cost of airfare today! And with no charge for extra weight humans!

Meanwhile a phenomenon is happening in the line! As a result of more plane crashes, terrorism and stress, what previously was limited to dogs, cats, and small animals, has morphed into a veritable zoo of comfort animals. A menagerie of species. The plane has become a flying zoo, an ark in the sky!

Here is a comfort monkey, a comfort goat (in coach!) a comfort giraffe-who continually struggles to fit its legs into the TSA area, what next! Next in line a passenger has a COMFORT HUMAN!

How do we identify, even differentiate this human from every other human in line? Beside the certification of training and appropriateness, the license, and authorization to fly, all service animals, and now service humans, all wear easily recognized red and yellow vests, clearly labeled as COMFORT ANIMALS or SERVICE ANIMALS.

The comfort human is no different, complete with paperwork and vest, just like every other service animal! They wait patiently for the intrusive exam to come.

They are well trained—standing, sitting, lying on command.

They know their role well, constantly gazing into the accompanied humans’ eyes, watching for facial changes, intuiting chemical body changes as stress levels elevate.

CHs or comfort humans are clearly focused on their appropriate human, never distracted by the chaos of the airport, sirens in the background, or food appearing and disappearing in the TSA line or airport area, even the passing adoration or petting of fellow passengers.

Never pet a comfort human!

Potty trained and danger alert, the comfort human constantly scans the surroundings for bathrooms or sources of impending danger, not only for itself, but also for its handler. Alerts are apparent with warning facial expressions and an urgent grasping of the crotch area when a bathroom appears.

A human filled with stress from the closeness of people in the TSA line can expect the comfort human to step in, express displeasure with their facial manipulation, then move the flier before and after his charge to a safe, comfortable distance from the object of his love and affection. The comfort human thrusts his very body into the spaces, causing the encroaching party to move further way, leaving the adored owner in a zen bubble of peace, no longer pushed, shoved and with no baggage encroaching on the back of the knees or small children wiping snot on the leg of ones pants or sleeve of your best jacket!

As the human approaches the baggage scanner, the ever-vigilant comfort human assures that the object of their affection has a clear and available bin to use for their affects. No lunging, pulling, or reaching uncomfortably into large stacks of waiting bins. All are lined up, empty and waiting on the table top, ready to be filled and scanned.

Even going through the invasive scanning tube is stress free. Instead of wondering just what the TSA employee can see as the x-ray equipment circles their body, the handler can now focus on their comfort human. While not allowed to accompany the adored owner, the comfort human presses his face and hands in clear view on the sides of the tube, smiling reassuringly, cheerful, and even holding his own leash!

Shoes are easily put on with the help of the comfort human, no more struggling with bunched up socks, lack of available seating, pressure from crowds of people rushing by inches from your face, hurrying to catch their plane. All is tranquil, accessible, seamless. The comfort human stands in the breach!

Boarding and carryon luggage is stress free. All persons with comfort animals board with parents of small children, and persons with physical disabilities. Now those with psychological insecurities board with their comfort humans. Early boarding eliminates anxiety over lack of overhead space, seat access issues, and long boarding ques next to pushy or slow fellow passengers.

Of course most comfort animals are caged and placed under seats, in the bulkhead area, emergency exits or in the luggage hold. Passengers with large comfort animals, or comfort humans, must hold them on their laps. Long flights can be tiresome!

Comfort humans elicit specific issues. A comfort human held on the lap can wrap their arms around their owner. A loving embrace. Exhausting on long flights. Sort of like traveling with an adoring toddler!

They can stroke the hair of their loved one, smile encouragingly, and whisper affirmations throughout the flight. What a blessing!

As the plane takes off, and stress levels peak, the comfort human springs into action. Focus attention on other things, such as the massive (?)magazine selection, the operation of the seat back entertainment system, or just emit the extra love and reassurance that the stressful moment calls for. The plane lifts off and the stress is soon forgotten.

During the flight, seat mates pose less of a problem for those accompanied by comfort humans. Extensive training allows facial expression and body language to either encourage or eliminate unwanted chatter. Comfort humans have been known to turn on the charm and become conversation starters that might lead to lifelong connections.

Turbulence, landing and even the press of disembarkation are all dealt with by the comfort human. Baggage is easily retrieved as an extra set of eyes and hands makes off loading extra weight luggage a breeze. Often comfort humans work out for just such an opportunity!

Home again to a familiar comfort zone. Never alone, the owner of a comfort human always feels loved and attended to. Even at a hotel, there is no need to sleep alone in a strange bed or wake to an unfamiliar noise! That’s the comfort human’s job. Adapted to sleep with one eye open and with an ear to the ground, they spoon exactly to fit the contour of their personal human. Life is good!

During this trip of the imagination, it is clear that the training and availability of the comfort human is the answer to many of society’s stresses.

• Drug use is minimized – or eliminated!

• Rage is no longer an issue as the facial expression, posture and interference of the comfort human mitigates the need for anger.

• Isolation is unknown, no one is ever alone, threatened or vulnerable with a comfort human by their side.

One can only think that as we proceed forward into the 21st century, the use of comfort humans will increase to meet the growing psychological needs of the population.