New Year? An Approach to Change. Article I

The beginning of a new year often brings with it changes …wanted or un-wanted, as well as resolutions. Since we all face change, here are some things to consider:

Change: Article I

Types of Change

It seemed like a typical day, but that would change!

After wrestling the kids through breakfast, fighting bumper-to bumper traffic all the way to day care and school, Jennifer headed for work. Then her cell phone buzzed. She knew not to answer it while driving, but the Bluetooth in her brand-new BMW made hands-free phone use a breeze. It was Jeffrey! That was a little strange as she had just seen him as she pulled out of the driveway an hour ago.

“Hi, Hon,” He said. “Wanted to catch you before you got to work and have a little chat.” Over the car phone? Well, Okay thought Jennifer.

“Okay, What is it?” Jennifer dreaded him telling her he could not pick up the kids as it meant she would have to change her schedule.

“Well, I probably shouldn’t do this over the phone, but I just got notice that I’ve been transferred!”

Jennifer drew in a quick breath and tried to relax. This meant selling the house, moving, transferring the kids, finding a new house. She already felt a little overwhelmed.

“Great! Does it come with a promotion and moving expenses?” she tried to sound relaxed.

“Sure, of course, but it comes with something else.” He responded.

“What?” She replied anxiously.

“Well, I am thinking this is the perfect opportunity to make a big change.”

She could hear Jeffrey’s voice tremble a little. “ I want to go there alone. I want a divorce.”

OMG! Jennifer thought. The worst case scenario flashed through her mind. Not only was she moving (no way to afford their big house), transferring the kids out of day care and private school, but dealing with the trauma of a divorce and all it meant, plus an unknown future for herself and the kids? and what about the relationship she had worked so hard to maintain, even improve?

“Auggh!” She replied! “What?” Just then the traffic screeched to a halt around her and she plowed into the car in front of her!

Another ordinary day and an established routine had suddenly become a shambles as CHANGE intervened!

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Together we will explore the types of change that we can expect in life. Next, we will think about why and how we resist change. Most importantly we will gain some tools in dealing with change.

We have all been in a position at one time or another when we have been faced with change. Most face change more than once. We often encounter more than one kind of change simultaneously. Attitudes toward change have come into play. Did we welcome change? Did it strike fear into our hearts? Did we resist change? Change may happen smoothly and we just transition through it. It may be a kicking and screaming nightmare.

Understanding some of the elements of change can ease the encounter, make the change a vehicle to a new reality and even provide a platform for personal growth. There is a saying that “Nothing is as certain as change.” Except of course, death and taxes? In Jennifer’s case, it looks like divorce, moving, family disruption and insurance claims are included!

The more we understand change and our attitude toward it, the less traumatic it will become.

Types of change: There are a few basic categories of change:

• Personal change, physical change

• Organizational change

• Societal change

Just understanding the types of change can help to make an encounter with change more manageable!

Personal Change is individualized. For some it is a habit you’d like to leave behind, or one you’d like to acquire. Since we are all different, this type of change is totally unique to you. Is it the acquisition of a new skill? Or a change in attitude about how you deal with the world around you or the people in it.? Perhaps you just want to become a more open person. Physical change may be related to aging or to the stages of life. Are you at an age when it becomes necessary to change your lifestyle and get serious about things in your life? Your education, your living situation, your career? You knew this stage was coming, eventually! You may have put it off temporarily, but some small voice now tells you it is time to get after it! It may also be totally unexpected and blindside you!

Organizational Change is often the most challenging change. This change may not have been anticipated, wanted, planned for or desired, but can certainly be stressful. These types of changes are often forced on us by circumstances, by others or by events beyond our control. Attitude adjustments often come into play when dealing with these changes. Organizational change is often a top-down incident. It may be rejected as arbitrary and not necessary. Changes in job titles and duties, physical activities and environmental locations, status, complexity, productivity requirements, and the list goes on and on. Organizational change can be related to not only work situations, but also social situations, economic involvements, familial variations and again, the list goes on and on. It’s no wonder that this type of change is so stressful and challenging. Jeffrey’s organizational change and transfer has certainly caused stress. His method of dealing with his organizational change has disrupted all or most of the personal and physical routines in his and his family’s life.

Societal Change will certainly occur in Jennifer and Jeffrey’s life. They will both become single parents, perhaps deal with financial issues that affect where they fit into their New Normal. Where they will live, how they will manage their lives, people they will associate with, all are susceptible to change. In a larger view, societal change can occur to the most settled of families. Changes in the law, the culture, the realities of economics and religion, all happen to people every day. Some of these changes come slowly and can be adapted to over time. Some may hit suddenly like Jennifer running into a car on the freeway and throw us into a whole new paradigm.

Having identified some major categories that change might fall into often makes it easier to examine the change

objectively, cope with it and apply coping tools and skills that mitigate the change’s impact and address the resulting stress.

The next step is to understand the change and ways in which we resist change.

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Article II will deal with resistance.

Article III will look at both the types of change, why we resist change and some typical ways we address change.

Article IV Suggests some common tools for dealing with change and a summary of how to successfully deal with the stress of change.

Watch for these articles to follow in the next few days.

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The basic thrust of this examination is to look at change through the eyes of the fear it causes and the resistance it encourages. Coming out on the other side of change is possible and life changing. One size does not fit all when dealing with change. True to the philosophy of “A Place for the Eye to Rest”, this article does not seek to cover all the facets of change nor hope to answer all the questions and challenges that change creates. It is a jumping off place to begin your own journey with change.