Looking at Change: Article III

The beginning of a new year often brings with it changes …wanted or un-wanted, as well as resolutions. Since we all face change, here are some things to consider:

Change: Article III

Looking at Change

We have looked at the types of change and why we resist change. How can a further investigation of change increase our ability to deal with it, adapt to it, and become resilient in the face of change? How can we become controllers rather than victims of change?

See your dominant resistance for what it is. Why are you most likely resisting this particular change? Recognize it as a block to change. It is a limitation of your ability to accept change. Can this element be looked at from different angles? Consider alternatives. Talk out your objections with a trusted friend or coach who is a clear thinker and not afraid to tell it like it is. Be sure your friend or coach is generally a positive person who can assist you in objectively considering the factors of the change. Will they help you consider a positive outlook, or just reinforce your fears.

See change as an integral part of life, not as a once-only occurrence. What can you learn from this change? How will it strengthen your adaptability? How will it improve your attitude? Can it help you to become a more positive and open person? Will the change help you to overcome your fear of the unknown, perhaps even become more courageous? Will it increase your coping skills or help you to be a more effective problem solver?

What if you use the change to increase your personal management skills? Think about what your desired outcomes might be: personal change, expansion of skills or knowledge, financial, physical, or spiritual improvement. Manage change, don’t let it manage you. Be more open to trying new things. If you see it as a door closing, you may miss the door that opens for you. Keep what is working, and add skills, strengths and develop new strategies. Think about what is serving you and what is obsolete. Let go of what is not serving you.

As you grow in your emotional, physical and spiritual strength by dealing with change, keep your eyes open to the people around you. Are they supporting you or holding you back? They may be experiencing fear of change as well but are uncomfortable with finding new ways to deal with it. It is always possible that their responses are causing you to have a rougher time dealing with change than is necessary. Helping those who are not doing well with change can be an asset as it brings more substance and strength to your own coping mechanisms. Remember that it is human nature to avoid anything that is new or uncomfortable or unknown. Pass on this recognition of you own experience to assist others in dealing with their turmoil over change.

Ways we resist change:

Other elements of human responses come up as you face change. Denial is a common response. “This just isn’t happening! It won’t change our: life, relationship, circumstances, position.” This type of response is known in the vernacular as avoiding the “elephant in the room.” Deny the problem and eventually it will work itself out and no need to deal with the change. While in some ways this may actually be true, it puts you in the role of a victim to whom life happens, not in the role of a determinant who is in charge of life and its direction.

Another method of dealing with change is called trivialization. This is a close family member of denial! It sounds something like this: “This change doesn’t matter much. It’s not worth my time, energy, and attention.” Again this places the persons involved in the change in the uncomfortable position where life is just happening to them.

Redirecting the problem to someone else to solve is another way of avoiding dealing with the realities of change. It is a cousin to denial and trivialization. They are all in the same family! If there is no problem, or it is so meaningless, “someone else can deal with it, no point in getting all worked up or involved. It will be solved by…. someone else!” Is that the kind of control you want to have over your own future?

When you are just too tired to adapt to changing conditions or take a inactive stance to solving physical or emotional effects of change, the condition of complacency becomes the tool of choice. This feeling has been immortalized in song: “Que Sera, Sera” What will be, will be. No need to get involved (again?) as it is out of your hands and you can just sit back and ride it out! Once again, the position of the victim, just waiting for the outcome. This is actually worse than redirecting as it includes denial and trivialization. No guiding, involvement, thought, or steering toward a positive outcome is involved. We have seen this lately on the national level, where we have been told on the screen that we should “Just get used to it.” Not good advice! That statement is a push toward complacency. It intimates that there is no need to understand, object, guide or evaluate. It allows others to shape the change for good or ill.

Acceptance differs from complacency. Acceptance acknowledges that change is happening. It involves recognition, planning, use of tools, abandonment of a victim mentality and the setting of goals for a post-change life. Complacency assumes that whatever happens, happens. Deal with that as it comes and set no goals, use no tools, make no plans, and engage no cognitive thought.

Having looked at change from several perspectives you can more clearly determine what it is, why it scares you, and find approaches that help you deal with it, and understand how some people sidestep the impact. If the goal is to make change your friend and let it be a benefit to you, you cease to be a victim of change. Change can be managed emotionally, physically and spiritually. If knowledge is power, then power over fear is the key to dealing with change.

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Now the real challenge. Dealing with change!

Article IV suggests some common tools for dealing with change and a summary of how to successfully deal with the stress of change.

The basic thrust of this examination is to look at change through the eyes of the fear it causes and the resistance it encourages. Coming out on the other side of change is possible and life changing. One size does not fit all when dealing with change. True to the philosophy of “A Place for the Eye to Rest”, this article does not seek to cover all the facets of change nor hope to answer all the questions and challenges that change creates. It is a jumping off place to

begin your own journey with change.