The Value of Stories

Stories communicate more than just words!

The Value of Stories

Stories are what connect us. Stories can also divide us. Stories are about the things we share in common. They are also about the things we have not shared, the uncommon experiences through which one person sees a world that another cannot perceive.

Stories are anecdotal, but not quantifiable. They have so many variables that they are not replicable. They are unique to the teller, but also have common elements that anyone can relate to.

Stories can connect us to one another through a similar or shared experience. They can dissolve a feeling of isolation in a moment of unity. Stories can encourage us to hope or warn us of what is unrealistic or challenging in our future.

Stories pass forward experience and highlight ruts that might be avoided. Stories contribute to emotional and social health. Stories can help you grow. Stories can discourage, dismiss and divide. Stories can make you feel good about the road you have already traveled and can light the road ahead.

Stories can make the many facets of human experience come to life. Stories are about the application of truths in a relatable fashion.

To really tell your story in a way that benefits both the teller and the listener, you need a few things that are basic to human kind. You need to know that your listener will not judge you for the unique experience you are relating. You need to feel safe in your relationship and know that you will not be abandoned or criticized if your story does not fit the image the listener has of you. Your story must have within it some universal or spiritual truth. Truths may be obscure to a closed mind but are often clear to the listening heart.

Stories are what change people’s lives. Relaying facts is just that, a relaying of facts. Telling a story with facts within it, exposes the human connection, the feeling of the experience, the emotions and gives a depth that facts cannot relate.

We are all heroes of our own story. Stories may amaze the listener. Ordinary people do extraordinary things. Stories are often the only way to express the tellers ability to overcome obstacles and accomplish goals without fear of being dismissed or accused of bragging or being unrealistic.

Stories are an exercise in vulnerability. Current philosophers tell us how personal growth exposes our weak points and our vulnerability. Stories expose both and tell how they were overcome or used to employ strengths. Being open to change and growth through recognition of vulnerabilities can open the door to "Ah Ha!" moments when story allows us to consciously move forward through our weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

Have we lost some of the benefits of story through our addiction to screens? Is the world we see through a few pictures where everyone but us is smiling in a perfect place and a stress free experience? Is it a thought limited to a certain number of characters? We convey a thought but not the experience of the thinker. Life is reduced to a word-bite. The depth is lost as the story is not told. The depth of life is absent.

The time that was spent in communication with one another around the fire or at the kitchen table has passed into a distant memory and a vague experience. Often there is no experience at all. A flat screen has replaced the conversation and reduced the sharing in these forms of input to some impersonal, misunderstood, shallow and unregulated source. We are left with something unrelatable in the human experience. Its new form is uninspiring, quickly forgotten, no lesson learned, no memory retained.

The wisdom of the generations that was passed at the fireside or around the table is no longer passed, and the wisdom that is gleaned from the blue screen is not deep or broadening in any generational sense. Mistakes will be made without any background of the experiences from previous generations. Of course, ‘things have changed’ but truths are eternal and are passed along through stories.

Another way of passing truths forward is through books and plays, and in the technological ease of movies. These story forms have a beginning, middle and end. Resolutions are attached to a crisis and resolved within a limited time frame. Life is not like that. Some stories from life are long. Some stories are never resolved. Some stories have unsatisfactory endings that leave us hanging and sad. This is the stuff of life. Life is messy and often unpredictable and unsatisfying. It can even be unfair. Can you imagine a book becoming a best seller with an unresolved ending? Or a movie receiving an award with a disturbing and unsatisfying ending?

But the stories of life are real and hold some lesson or truth, among which may be the heartbreak and disappointment of interacting with other people and the inability to change outcomes to suit a story line.

There may also be stories that are repetitive. The same narrative plays out over and over, leaving the teller and the hearer anxious and unresolved. The same struggle repeats itself over and over with no real resolution or satisfactory ending. The telling of these stories often presents different lessons as the story morphs and the teller learns through the process. Unlike stories told on the flat screen, the resolution does not miraculously happen where people’s perspectives change, habits are abandoned or improved and the “happily ever after” seems inevitable and easy. Is the story we see on the flat screen like what we might experience in the real world?

We have a catchphrase for repetitious stories. We say that it is “the same old story”. Hard choices are avoided, hard facts are denied, solutions are easy to come by and agreed to by all involved. New insights are not always gained in the repetition. Some religions even believe that the repetition of learning goes on for lifetimes and is repeated until the lesson is learned.

If we are living in a flat screen world and just expecting the resolution to reveal itself to us without pain or involvement, we may seek alternative means of finding answers to the questions presented by life. Self-help books would like to fill this need. These books are abundant, as life is filled with challenges. Self-help books try to address every need.

Self-help books try to replace the wisdom of those who have already experienced this type of repetitive story. They replace the personal experiences shared over the table by friends and family. They offer insights into the challenges faced in the past. They propose a way forward. They use data and research as foundations for recommendations.

The reader is often solitary and has no one with which to discuss the past or the proposals. If the reader is self-motivated, this works. If motivation is weak, the self-help book has a function that is negligible... a dust catcher. Low motivation might be better elevated by personal sharing, examples, an emotion filled story. It certainly has a better chance than just reading a data filled, wordy guide. If self-help books were wildly successful in our culture, we would be living in a world abundant with effective and successful people and struggle would be largely nonexistent.

Origin stories can stir the imagination. How we came to be, our family and individual history support our uniqueness and sense of self. The stories of meeting, finding commonality, facing and overcoming obstacles, persevering in the face of challenges all give strength and hope to next generations facing uncertain futures. Family stories of time spent together reinforce memories and increase our sense of belonging and responsibility. If we are important to one another and integral to our shared lives, moments of doubt and insecurity lessen.

A lament that is heard between generations and even between economic classes is that of entitlement. An attitude of entitlement can be a wedge that splits young and old, as well as rich and not-so-rich. Without a common story to link them, the young cannot truly appreciate what the old once experienced in their lifetime. The flow of life is lost and no longer cyclical. Each is living in the moment, and free floating, unattached to the other.

The rich may have forgotten the struggles they encountered on their path from being not-so-rich. A human connection exists between the rich and the not so rich, and it is easily forgotten in the absence of any reminders or of values that are shared. Just the fact of being rich, is not a value statement. How did that happen, what effort was involved, what creativity came into play? How did you build something from little or nothing? This is the stuff of stories. This is where inspiration lies, waiting to be awakened in a new set of dreams. Without the inspiration and the dreams, there is no motivation, nor respect for sacrifice, nor empathy for those unable to pursue this path forward. Without a history, there is no emotion, no fear, no extension of self, no acquisition of skills, no insights. No path is lit and no mental doors are opened if you only look at the result and not the journey.

The perspective of the teller and the experiences of the listener bring uniqueness to the telling of any story. What was true for the original experience may look completely different when presented in the matrix of the listener.

Conclusions and insights may not be the same for every listener. Universal truths will remain the same. We all move through life with different stories, memories and perspectives. We come to those universal truths in different and personally relevant ways. Trying to move through life without a consciousness of the experiences of others downplays the depth of experiences that life offers.

We may consider someone who lives “in the moment” as being “mindful”. Are they missing the intimate nuances that make up a lifetime of experience? Recognizing the joy of opening a new bar of soap, delightful but easily missed in the day to day story of life. Sitting in a sunny window on a cold winter day creates a feeling of coziness, of safety, and of home. Missing the quality of that moment is to waste it. A full life is made up of small moments such as these. Together they weave the tapestry of life well lived and moments of the story that build together to transfer a feeling, an emotion, and cover the walls of life with rich color.

In a well of contentment there are many stories. Stories that have happy endings. Stories that are filled with pain and angst. Stories that bend and create and inspire. Stories that are carried around silently in the deep recesses of memory and experience. I would encourage the sharing of stories for in the sharing, tellers and listeners come away fuller and richer.

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How do stories contribute to the history of a nation and to the unity of the people in it. Do we have a national story? How does our collection of national stories contribute to how any nation sees itself as a people? What if the stories are altered to contribute to a desired national image? How do countries hear the national stories of other nations? A continued examination of stories will look at these questions.

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A Place for the Eye to Rest does not seek to answer questions. Its purpose is to present places for the mind of the reader to jump off and consider the subject presented. Email us at karenmac1999@hotmail.com to share your story and thoughts. A sample story is presented on this blog. Search the list of previous blogs and open The Crystal and the Coal.