It's How You Say It

Every day, in every situation, its how you say it!

It’s How You Say It!

I remember a communication class assignment that I had in college. The assignment was to take a 4- or 5-word sentence. Break it down—word for word—then put the accent or stress on different words in the sentence. Ultimately you would have 4 or 5 sentences. How the stress on the words changes the meaning! The assignment was life changing. Everyone should try that assignment.

There was no meaning attached to the delivery, just different words accented in a simple sentence. The result was astounding.

An extension of the assignment was to take the same sentence and attach a motivation to the way it was delivered. Accent different words, vary the subliminal message. It was shocking but the truth is “ It’s not always what you say, its how you say it!” I would add “It’s not always WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it AND it’s what you MEAN!”

We all know how to do this. Its instinctive. We know how to say something to make someone feel good about themselves. We also instinctively know how to say something and make the person receiving it feel horrible! Tone of voice, body language, inflection, facial expression, word stress, so much goes into any statement. Different messages can be delivered.

"If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” The meaning may come through your voice, your accentuation, your facial expression, your body language. We communicate with more than our words. Rather than be misinterpreted, in some situations, it may truly be better to say nothing at all!

A presentation to a group of peers may in word alone, deliver a simple, supportive message. The concept that participants take away could be one of clear disapproval after hearing your presentation. Did what you say convey the message you wanted it to? Or was it delivered in some other way that changed the message. Questions must be asked and answered on an individual basis and in careful consideration of the audience and the motivation of the speaker and the listeners.

Frightening? You bet it is. Cause for concern? Yes. The encouraging and yet cautionary thing in all this is that we are all subject to this same level of misunderstanding. Day after day, in every situation we encounter, what we say and how we say it applies. In business, personal life, interpersonal relationships and every other possible combination of human endeavor and communication, how we say it is present. How it is heard and understood may be different for every person.

Another element that figures into “how you say it” is the personal experiences of the listener. We all have different experiences in life. What you know and have experienced may and probably is, different from what every other person in the room has known and experienced. How you say something may trigger you but have no affect on the person sitting next to you. You are enraged. They are surprised at your reaction because what they heard has no meaning for them.

Are we all doomed to be misunderstood? There are so many uncontrolled elements in any communication. No wonder there is so much turmoil in our society and in our relationships. We hear the term “dog whistle” but for most of us, it means you are in the park and want to tell your dog its time to go home. Today, that term refers directly to this article. What means something to you, means nothing to someone else. What you take the meaning to be, may be counter opposite to what someone else takes the meaning to be.

It is the responsibility of the speaker to consider their motivation and their delivery. Are they clear? Is their meaning communicated. Have they considered the position of the audience? When all systems are “go” let the communication begin. Hope for the best. How you say it may still be the determining factor in the delivery and success of your communication. When you speak, listen first!

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Response? email me at Karenmac1999@hotmail.com.