Three Date Rule!

Does this apply to you?

The Three Date Rule!

Apparently I had been living under a rock! I had never heard of the three date rule. It took me completely by surprise. I was challenged to learn more about it.

The basic premise of the Three Date Rule goes like this; three dates is a breaking point for couples entering a dating relationship. It is long enough to be spending time together so that neither party can be considered "loose" for having sex, fall prey to fears of abandonment, or have paid too little attention to the other person that they are classified as neither a womanizer, a dinner whore, nor a man-eater.

The truth is actually a little more complicated than these labels.

The 'rule' itself exists as a part of urban legend. When it was first explored by Glamour Magazine and Cosmopolitan Magazine, they originally promoted three focused dates as a minimum requirement for dating sex. A woman might escape negative labels, peer pressure and social stigma by applying the Three Date Rule. As culture has morphed, the position of these magazines has changed. Currently they lean more toward individual preferences and circumstantial evaluations.

The original perspective was based on three premises:

1. Sex on the first date might harm the formation of a lasting relationship.

2. Sex on the second date might not allow for the exchange of enough information to foment a grounded position for future relationships.

3. Sex on the third date might address 1 and 2 above, and spark interest in a partner who was engaged in evaluating the relationship.

Note that these three premises were not based on any psychological evidence or moral stance. They were actually more closely based on the conceptualized attractiveness of the female and the overwhelming sexual demands of the male. A secondary assumption was that women were searching for long term partners and men were perpetually trying to avoid commitment. It is easy to see why these assumptions have gone out of favor!

An arbitrary number of dates may not relate in any rational way to the parties involved. An individualization of dates works much better. Observation of relationships has taught us that numbers mean nothing where human relationships are concerned.

We are not all Labrador Retrievers who can get along (and love) anyone. Some people are Greyhounds and as such, are unique and fascinating. There is such a vast variety of dates and relationships that narrow deceptive boxes do not apply. If the idea of an arbitrary number of dates must take place before intimacy should occur, and sparks a conflict between the parties, a red flag may have been raised. Deeper issues may be in play.

Since communication is the positive resolution to conflict, some issues present themselves at this juncture. What are the goals of the parties involved? How do they see the relationship? Are both parties looking at sex purely for entertainment and pleasure purposes? Is monogamy a shared value and lifestyle? Is this just a serial relationship or is it a long term commitment? Are expectations for emotional result to sex the same? Have the outcomes of sex been taken seriously?

Afraid to discuss these issues? Communication and connection, if given time, can address fear of discussion. Time and opportunity create the chance for both parties to learn about each other and about themselves.

Even if you have been living under a rock and then recognize your own uniqueness, you can recognize this as an opportunity to make good decisions. Dating can be a chance to get to know yourself and others. Whether it is the Three Date Rule or the Love at First Sight Rule which applies, you can recognize that the "right time" for you, should really be "our right time."

Successfully navigating the Three Date Rule on an individual basis can bolster the self -esteem and growth of both parties. Using it as a way of knowing your self better and knowing each other better can lead to the development of a successful relationship.

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What has your experience been with the Three Date Rule? Share! Karenmac1999@hotmail.com

Explore further? Search for yourself, nothing is for everyone.

www.bare.dating

www.medium.com

www.amiethedatingcoach.com

www.glamour.com

And many other sites not listed here.