Five Love Languages for Business

Five Love Languages for Business

Almost everyone has heard about the five love languages for individuals. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” has influenced intimate relationships since 1992 when the book was first published. For those who have forgotten the love languages or missed being exposed to them, they are as follow:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time (spent together!)

Gifts of Affection

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

To learn more about how these love languages can support your intimate relationships, I support reading Dr. Chapman’s book which is in its fifth printing!

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How do love languages apply to the workplace in the 21st Century?

Psychologists originally endorsed the idea that we all perceive love in different ways. Translated into workplace jargon, let’s say we all perceive “appreciation“ in different ways!

It is up to us: the boss, the mid-level manager, and the employee; to have the best interests of those around us in mind. If we understand the love---err, appreciation languages of those around us, we are better able to do that. The appreciation languages of everyone affects the bottom line. We know that the bottom line affects everything from profits to wages.

Appropriate appreciation languages can directly affect staff turnover. This is an obvious example of why appreciation languages are important. Staff turn over is recognized as one of the many costly things that negatively affects businesses. Through improved communication, understanding appreciation languages can mediate “grit” in the functioning wheels of an organization. It may indicate gaps in the organization’s function. It might bring to light communication problems between upper, middle and employee levels of an organization. Issues within the company, spoken and unspoken- may benefit from an improvement of appreciation languages. At its worst, high turnover may indicate an unidentified toxic work environment.

There are other areas where appreciation languages may affect a business, but lets just consider this one, the minimizing of turnover by increasing employee morale.

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To begin to evaluate the appreciation environment that exists within an organization, start by breaking down the structure of the organization and look at how the appreciation languages affect each group.

Employee to Boss (and Boss to Employee!)

Co worker to co worker

Team member to team and team members

It all begins at the top! Employee to Boss. This is defined differently depending on the company’s structure, the size of the company, formality and hierarchy. You know your company’s structure. Read the appreciation languages below and adjust as appropriate:

Applying the appreciation languages to the Employee to Boss relationship:

1) Words of Affirmation: This does not mean an employee “Kissing up.” Or that a boss is patronizing! Everyone sees through those pretty quickly!

Sincere expression of affirmation means expressing specifically how feed back given or received has been helpful and what positive changes have resulted. This takes thought on the part of the one giving affirmation. Thought and sincerity. It is about how a specific change or policy was beneficial to you, to the company, or to a team.

2) Quality Time:

Does this mean a three-cocktail lunch? Uh, no!

Quality time spent together between an employee and a boss might take the form of a one-on-one meeting where thoughts and experiences are shared. It could be a dialogue where goals for the company or the individuals involved are the topic of discussion. A discussion of ways to improve methods of working together may benefit the company and the individuals. In order to qualify as quality, it is sincere rather than shallow…the “How fast can I get outta’ here?” situation does not exist.

3) Giving Gifts of Appreciation:

The classic gift that does NOT express appreciation: the boss gives the secretary a gold watch…or lingerie!

These are not appropriate gifts of appreciation in the workplace!

In the workplace, a gift is not a “thing” but a thought!

Between and employee and a boss, a gift of appreciation may take the form of recognizing one as a source of inspiration (be specific!) for something that may benefit the company or the individual. It might take the form of recognizing a job well done. Many companies have this form of appreciation in place.

4) Gifts of Service:

This is another area where “kissing up” and unlimited servitude is not appropriate.

An appropriate form of service may be something else. When a new project is proposed or an idea is floated, a gift of service may be simply stepping forward to participate. This is especially appreciated when a change is proposed and buy-in is desired.

5) Physical Touch.

This is the hardest area to express appropriate appreciation between a boss and an employee. Boundaries and status apply. A handshake, body language of appreciation, fist bump, or other expressions are appropriate.

Co-worker to co-worker:

1) Words of Affirmation:

Has a co-worker supported your efforts by always being reliable. Say so! Have they met deadlines that make your part of the job possible or easier? Say so. Be specific. Have they given you feed back or information that has been helpful? Say so. A simple “Thank you!” goes a long way.

2) Quality Time:

Being an active, interested, and participating co-worker helps each employee. It builds morale. For the health of the company, morale between co-workers is invaluable. Working together, being present, and involved shows how important the relationship between co-workers can be. Off clock time is a plus when it shows an interest and commitment beyond the paycheck. It is not compulsory. If spending happy hours together is not possible or appropriate, supporting a charity of interest to a co-worker or showing up at an event to bolster off work efforts shows an appreciation in terms of quality time.

3) Gift Giving (or receiving!)

Something as simple as remembering a co-worker’s birthday warms a relationship. If money is an object, a handmade card or note is enough.

Are office supplies or tools shared? Noticing a need and meeting it costs nothing but might show appreciation.

Expressing holiday wishes with a gift brought from home and shared with all co-workers can enhance appreciation among co-workers. Remember that gifts are given…what the recipient does with the gift is up to them once the gift is given.

4) Acts of Service:

Melding schedules to reduce stress is an act of service. It shows appreciation of a smooth working relationship. Is someone going on vacation or out sick? Offering to cover a specific task during their absence is an act of service.

5) Physical Touch:

Physical interaction among co workers may be inappropriate. A high five upon the completion of a task can increase comradery. A celebratory hand shake also meets workplace protocols. In COVID times, a fist bump, or forearm tap may be substituted!

Team Members to Team Members:

1) Words of Affirmation:

Recognizing verbally the specific and timely contribution of individual team members is appreciated. Give credit where credit is due. Keep it simple and specific. Just the facts/or acts. Flowery compliments can make other team members feel left out. (You are trying to inspire them!) Keep it objective. Note how the group has benefited…and move on!

2) Quality Time:

Team members must all show up. Failing to show up for meetings, brainstorming, or work sessions is an obvious way NOT to show appreciation for your fellow team members.

Leaving a session early is another non-starter!

Show up and stay to the end…show appreciations of others!

3) Gifts…of appreciation!

Don’t fear expressing and recognizing a job well done. It is a gift in itself. When a project is complete, give the gift of: “Thank You!”

If an award is given, note all participants in any receiving speech,

Gifts in a business setting are about thought…not things!

4) Acts of Service:

Does a team member have to miss a meeting? Volunteer to take down meeting highlights. A small service, but one that expresses the importance and involvement of that team member. A notification of upcoming meetings is helpful to all. An intercompany memo on an inhouse network lets everyone know you are actively pursuing your goals.

5) Physical Touch:

A handshake upon entering a meeting or a respectful pat on the back sends a feeling of appreciation. Inclusion is a good feeling and inspires participation.

Why and how you express the language of appreciation counts. It is a morale booster. It is a bottom line booster. It is a personal satisfaction booster. It is a win-win-win.

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A successful and well-run business may depend on how people work together. Knowing the appreciation languages can contribute in ways that are hard to quantify or even define. A happy and appreciated workforce is a productive workforce. Employee turnover is diminished.

It is not always easy to recognize or express the appreciation language of the players in a situation. To determine the different languages at play, a knowledge of how each is expressed is helpful. Most people flourish when their appreciation tanks are full. While recognizing the individual appreciation languages is not always possible, the understanding of the languages helps all involved to support the workplace.

While recognizing love languages can enhance intimate relationships, understanding appreciation languages can benefit the business relationship. It increases the function, and flow of the work environment. It is a productive investment of time and energy regardless of whether you are the boss or the employee.

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Can you think of an example of how an appreciation language can be used in your business setting? Send it to Karenmac1999@hotmail.com