Love is a Verb

Love is a Verb

A verb indicates action. As an English teacher, I taught that a verb is an action word. Even in its most passive state, a verb can indicate a state of being! Love is both an action, and a state of being!

What do your actions say?

People complain that they don’t “feel;” loved. This must mean that the actions directed toward them are not loving!

People expressing feelings of being unloved are often responded to with aggressive replies. The unloving partner expresses disbelief! Or expresses anger that they have been misunderstood in either their actions or their words. They cast blame on the person perceiving that they are unloved. These responses in themselves express a defensiveness. There is the possibility that actions are speaking louder than the words being spoken. The communication gap contributes to the issues of both parties.

Previously in this blog we have discussed the different love languages that we all have. That discussion was directed toward business relationships. It is applicable to personal relationships. We all perceive love differently, just as we describe actions differently!

We are quick to deflect responsibility in the discussion of this subject. Rather than addressing the feeling of the “other” and seeking ways to make communication better by changes in our selves, it is easier to deflect and then transfer culpability. Unfortunately, transferring, deflecting and denying only increase the gulf between our actions, our expressions and the reception and recognition of a loving feeling.

If love is a verb, it must be expressed in action. In action it is received and perceived as being loving. Tone of voice, facial expression, body language are all every day, ever present ways of communicating acceptance or disdain. What do our expressions say?

Simple, even unconscious expressions scream to the receiver. We all know this! Everyone has been hurt sometime by something and used their expressions to communicate it. Ultimately it affects our expressions of love as well. If you know it, and do it, your partner knows it also. It is not an effective way to communicate hurt, change behaviors, or express emotions. Your subtle actions are not communicating the love that you may actually feel!

Your partner knows you. They know every eye roll, every shrug, and every act of avoidance. In the same way they know every touch, every smile, even the tilting of the head. Expressions can be subtle or overt. They are noticed. Actions don’t have to be jumping up and down. They can be a subtle angle of the body, a warmth of the eye, and a touch.

Love is a verb and expressed in every action, large and small. If what you want to communicate is other than love, that is the message your partner will hear, loud and clear. None of us like to be yelled at, literally or emotionally. It is tolerated for a time, but if perpetuated, it can overwhelm the love that might really be there. A crack in the expressive gulf of communication can widen it into a chasm.

Act out your verb. Live your love. Screaming “I love you!” can sound like “I hate you!” depending on how it is said! Seek to communicate—act out—your love and be understood. Let your actions speak louder than words. Your actions will speak your love.

Love is a verb. Put it in your actions. The absence of action is inaction, and that is never love.

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Comments? Improvements? Anecdotes? Karenmac1999@hotmail.com

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