Who Are You, Really?

Who Are You Really?

How much of who you are reflects what others around you ARE? —or have been?

You reflect who your parents are or were. Much of that is reality. It enabled you to live in peace within the matrix of your family. Bucking family norms is often grounds for discourse, disagreement, or worse. Bucking societal norms can lead to even greater distress. It is no wonder we instinctively seek to fit in with our family or our society, at least to some degree.

You are who you are because of the friends you happen to have or had. Whether its family, society or peers, this is all a part of that old philosophical argument about whether we are a certain way because we were born that way or grew up that way. Nurture or Nature! Surely both are dominant factors in who we are! Discussions of "Nurture or Nature" can be found elsewhere. They are often endless and even unresolvable.

The purpose of this trail through the forest of who we are is to live in the present and consider current choices. How do we come to those choices? Why do we come to those choices?

Who are we really? Most of us follow the norms of our environment, of our society. That in and of itself is a good thing. It contributes to a stable society and a predictable environment. We cannot discount “fitting in” but there is much to be said for the outlier. Outliers have through history been the movers and shakers that changed or influenced society.

If the outliers know themselves through serious self-examination and believe in the conclusions they come to through contemplation, study, and examination of facts, they often become leaders of movements and instruments of change.

You may not see yourself as a leader of societal change. There is still a place for you in that picture. Instead of making personal choices because of what is expected, a more fulfilling approach could be to base choices on who you really are.

In its simplest terms, this means doing what is right for you. We make personal and career decisions every day. Even small decisions may color your future. Instead of waiting for a “mid life crisis” to change your direction, you really do it year by year, month by month, day by day, hour by hour, one choice at a time.

Because we are all so influenced by who our parents were, how we were raised and what is considered the “right way” to do things, it is often the case that “Who Are We Really” is not really who we are! Consciously trying to fit in and follow the crowd…could lead right to the edge of a cliff. Stepping off that path might be right for you. Where are you going right now, and where will it lead? Will a different path lead to a different result? Who are you and which result more accurately fits who you are?

None of us can really answer all these questions. Certainly, they cannot be answered in the split second that some decisions require. But thought-provoking questions may allow the time it takes to really know what the possible answers are and which responses are right for you. Should you marry the cheerleader even though you can easily live without her and she adds nothing to you but status in the eyes of your peers? Is the career that puts you in an office ten hours a day going to be fulfilling, or just monetarily rewarding. Has hanging with friends and doing drugs going to get you to the result you really picture for yourself? Big questions. Give yourself time to consider them. If you are feeling pressured to choose on the fly…ask yourself why?

The experiences on a new and unworn path may be unpredictable. They may be exciting. The excitement of the unknown does not have to be as dramatic as setting foot on the moon. It may be something more immediate and closer to the person you really are or really want to be. The biggest questions that arise in selecting a path, deciding, and knowing yourself are not ones that are easily answered. Answers take time. Give yourself time. Answers take thought. Go there! The first thing in coming to these unpredictable answers is to know yourself. And that takes time, courage, and self-examination. Think about who you really are.

Branching off a well-worn path and blazing a new trail may be scary. It may not be predictable. Experiences on that path may not be the same ones you are expecting, or even what others have experienced. Maybe that is not a bad thing. It may be an adventurous thing.

As Yoda said: “Choose wisely!”

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Comments? Suggestions for choosing wisely? Send them to karenmac1999@hotmail.com